It is nice to take a moment to reflect on your recent past.
This blog is like a diary of my mind. Every few days, I unload where my head is. So as the year is coming to a close, and I want to reflect on where I’ve gone and where I’ve been, I need to look no further than the archives at Urban Samurai.
I was surprised to find out that I started this year off with hope. In what was the wildest and weirdest, worst, and then eventually the best year of my life, I didn’t remember that I began with such positive energy. I guess…how could I have remembered? These last 365 felt like they were 10 years long.
At one point, early in the year, I sunk to the lowest low I have ever experienced. I wrote about things like Hatred and told people Do Not Doubt Me. Telling the world and some of the people in it to fear me. And to stay away from me. My moods were dark. My thoughts were darker. I had people reach out to me that I barely knew asking if I was OK. It was that obvious. I had a guy, who I will now call an angel, see me in the street laughing with my daughter, one bright spot in a very dark time, and remind me how lucky I was to be having a Great Day, Great Day.
One thing, I found in my writing, was that in those times the thing that was always there…was hope. Always a knowledge that things would get better. And that I could be one to find The Road Back to Yourself. Even with darkness around me. And me fueling that darkness in every way. There was always some light that I saw out there.
I also changed careers this year. Not just a job change. Everything I had been working towards for the last ten years stopped. I actually learned How to Fail, and more importantly, how to get up.
The switch in careers forced almost every aspect of my life to change. I started a new job, in a new place, with new people, new activities, and new hours. It put a different kind of strain at home. There is no bigger switch in a person’s life than changing careers, besides probably changing families. But with a new career, came early Success Found, and the realization that work success and life success are connected but not the same thing.
At one point this year, I abandoned everything I owned and learned to live with Less. Not by choice mind you. Or by some philanthropic play for people in need unfortunately. But for a strange form of black mold that had affected my whole family. Prior to that day, I considered myself not very materialistic. But I had to embrace the way of no possessions. It took a minute…but I got there.
There were a couple of moments, when I almost stopped writing this blog. And I was reminded through Signs by a couple of people, who I now also call angels, why I need to do this. This has become a part of who I am. How could I give up something that represents me as the very person I strive to be?
Some friendships waned this year. And some blossomed. This part really saddens me. But this is life, I guess. I know a lot of this falls on me. I have so much to do now. My time is very short. But I’m still here. Busy, but still here. And I still care. I’m not as available, but it doesn’t mean I don’t still care.
This year has taken me to different corners of the earth, mostly for work. I’ve seen some incredible places. And not so incredible places. I even got to witness Garbage Day in Paradise. I met some remarkable people and not so remarkable people.
I now sit typing this, in another corner of the earth, on the edge of paradise again, on my first real non-working vacation in a long, long time. Finally understanding what it means to recharge the batteries. Finally understanding what a vacation is supposed to do…take your mind off of work. Something I wished I’d learned a little while back. It’s rejuvenating. It’s nice.
So much more happened this year, but I won’t bore you with anymore details. You maybe have read about them already anyway. I will simply thank you for making this year for me the best of my life. You all had a lot to do with that. All your emails. All your posts. All your positivity, helped me climb well beyond the only summit I have been able to see for a long time.
No matter what you went through this year, whether it was your worst year, your best year, or somewhere in between, I’m thinking positive thoughts for a better year for you in 2012. Happy New Year.