A lot of people need villains in their lives. I call these people fighters. They are driven by negative forces going against them. The Dark Side. In their mind, they are Luke Skywalker. And they’re always fighting against these dark forces; it may be physical, or verbal, an exchange of finger gestures and mean looks, or maybe just mental. These villains can be bosses, spouses, teachers, other drivers on the same highway, anyone.
Fighters harp on these people, making villains the bane of their very existence. They use them as scapegoats to lump blame on after any bad things occur. Or they use them for motivation, so they can get that chip on their shoulder…so the fighter can really stick in someone’s face when they accomplish something.
Who is your opponent in your life right now? Who is your biggest villain? Who are you up against?
Did you ever hear someone say something like, ‘I don’t know why everyone always wants to fight with me.’ Or, ‘I don’t know why drama follows me everywhere.’ These are fighters. And I know the answer to those questions…it’s because they’re looking for it. They seek it. Consciously or subconsciously…they like it.
The behavior that comes towards you from others is a direct reaction of the behavior and energy you put out there.
Now , it’s not necessarily equal. So if you act really nice, not everyone will be nice to you. If you’re too nice some people will take advantage of you. If you act weak, you will attract some similarly meek friends, but you might attract a strong people that dominate you. If you act really strong, people might cower around you and act weak. Other strong people might challenge you.
Understand that if people aren’t treating you the way you want to be treated, that you are to blame. And only you.
All these fights you get in…? It takes two people to engage in a fight of any kind. If you cut someone off in your car and they give you the finger, try waving and mouth the word, ‘Sorry.’ I know that’s a simple example, but it applies to all situations. It’s not to say to walk around apologizing, but most times you do not need to engage in that kind of behavior. You do not have to get into fights. You do not have to have all of this drama in your life.
There are very few real enemies out there. One of my favorite quotes, and I can’t find the source, goes something like, ‘Most people aren’t for you or against you, they are merely looking out for themselves.’ And this is true. You are your own enemy. And if things in your life aren’t going the way you want them to, there is only one person to blame…you.
Now, this isn’t meant to be depressing. It’s the opposite. If you realize that you control your own destiny. That the only person stopping you from getting everything you want is you. That there are no great, unconquerable evil forces out there working against you…that should be encouraging.
All you need to do is defeat your greatest and only enemy…yourself. Sun Tzu said, ‘Know thyself, know thy enemy.’ Well in this case, you get two for the price of one.
Know yourself. Know your strengths. Know your weakness. Play to your strengths and work on your weaknesses. And soon, you won’t need to blame anyone for anything. Not even yourself. You will have everything you want.