Death by Digitt

by Urban Samurai on August 5, 2011

A friend gave me tips about Twitter because he knows I am Urban Samurai. And he was disappointed that my Twitter use wasn’t as good as my Facebook. They are two different mediums and I use them as one. There is a lesson in that, but that lesson is for another day.

They told me to do a Twitter search for the word Hagakure…and then strike up conversations with people about it. I did this for one day then stopped. It felt too forced. Or subtly forced if that makes sense. But in that one day, I met an amazing person. His name is Jarred Mann…or as I know him…Digitt.

We started to talk regularly on Twitter. And I now consider him a friend. He’s wildly talented musically. He’s a thinker. He’s a writer. And he wrote this…and I pass it along to you…untouched.

Dying

I call him. The phone rings.
Answer. Answer. Answer.
He answers.

“Hello?”
Hey. I need your advice.
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“Sure. What is it?”
I relapsed a few days ago. I can’t sleep. The insomnia causes relapses. If I don’t sleep tonight, I’m going to relapse again.
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“What happens with this relapse?”
Intense pain. All over my body. For days. And not only that.
I can’t do anything. This person I want to meet. Friends. Music. Girls. My assignments that are due. My whole life ends when I relapse.
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“…”
“Why is living so important?”
The tone of his voice. Something about the way he said that. It was as if the only word in the sentence that existed was “important”, and it was said with the strong inflection of a question.
…That’s actually a very good question…
Everything stems from fear of death right.
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“Right.”
You don’t put your hand on the stove because –
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“- because you don’t want to die.”
Exactly. And I don’t want to die. This relapse is death. Psychological death.
And the only way to overcome it is to accept it. You can’t run from it.
————————-
“That’s true.
I think your anxiety isn’t something you can fix now. It’s going to be here whether you like it or not. So I think you should give up.”
Yes. That makes sense.
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“Just give up. Accept that your relapse is going to happen. You’re going to die. So get up and go do something.”
Thank you. This makes a lot of sense.
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“Thank you. It makes a lot of sense to me as well.”
I gave up. I went and did something. I am doing it now – writing this post. I am dead.
I feel alive

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F              r              e              e

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“The Way of the Samurai is found in death. When it comes to either/or, there is only the quick choice of death. It is not particularly difficult. Be determined and advance.

To say that dying without reaching one’s aim is to die a dog’s death is the frivolous way of sophisticates. When pressed with the choice of life or death, it is not necessary to gain one’s aim.

We all want to live. And in large part we make our logic according to what we like. But not having attained our aim and continuing to live is cowardice. This is a thin dangerous line. To die without gaining one’s aim is a dog’s death and fanaticism. But there is no shame in this. This is the substance of the Way of the Samurai. If by setting one’s heart right every morning and evening, one is able to live as though his body were already dead, he pains freedom in the Way. His whole life will be without blame, and he will succeed in his calling.”

- Yamamoto Tsunetomo, Hagakure (In the Shadow of the Leaves)

 

Digitt’s music is great. You can hear it here…

http://www.facebook.com/rap.digitt?sk=app_2405167945

You can read his blog here…

http://lifeindigittal.blogspot.com/