It’s Not You, It’s Me

by Urban Samurai on June 13, 2011

A loved one does something bad. Something really bad. Something that directly affects you. Upsets you. Betrays your trust.

You get mad. You’re beyond mad. You are filled with rage. And you can’t sleep at night thinking about how hurt and how angry you are. You go to them and scream the question that every victim wants an answer to, ‘How could you do this to me?’

And this is not rhetorical. You are looking for an answer. But it might as well be rhetorical, because there isn’t anything that person could say that would sooth you. No apology, no admittance…the most beautiful words in the world wouldn’t make you feel any better.

It’s hard to move on from that hurt. But you need to get past this and nothing is helping.

The only thing outside of time, that has helped me, is what I consider to be one of the great secrets in life. Something that took me a long time to learn.

In almost every case, no matter how bad their actions, people aren’t doing anything to you. They are merely doing something for themselves. Your hurt feelings aren’t factoring into their decisions at all.

Think about that. Think about how that changes your perception. You are not a victim of doing anything other than choosing to be close a person with poor character.

There is a reason why not everyone knows this. It’s because you don’t learn this by being hurt by someone. You learn this lesson by hurting someone. Something I unfortunately and apologetically know firsthand. But I am not asking for forgiveness of anything I’ve done in the past. Some behavior is unforgiveable.

You can be angry at the person that hurt you. You can be really angry. But be angry that these people are insensitive. Be angry that these people are assholes.

But don’t take this incident as a direct insult. Don’t take this as a public humiliation. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. Don’t take this as anything other than a selfish person doing something for themselves. This is truly not you…it’s them.