I’ve had the blessing to witness the other side of sanity. A few times now, people I know, people that I love, have lost their mind.
It is not a blessing, but a curse on the people that slip into that mental state, that a layperson like me would label, ‘crazy.’ And it certainly is beyond awful having to watch helplessly as a loved one mentally crumbles.
For a while, I wasn’t sure who it was worse for, the person losing their mind or the people close to them. I know now who it is worse for and it’s not even close.
Losing your mind is the worst thing that can happen to you. It’s so unsettling. It’s so troubling. It’s so out of control. You forget who you are and what is important to you. And you spend so much energy, trying so hard to be or to appear to be normal, that you couldn’t possibly have energy left to get better.
And that insanity seems to feed on itself. Because the more your mind starts to disappear, the more you question yourself. And the anxiety about becoming insane…well it makes you crazier.
As for the loved ones…yes it is hard to watch. Yes is causes stress on your life. But this problem isn’t about you.
So why is this a blessing? Because it forces a person to think about losing their own mental capacity. To think about their own general mental health.
I’m pretty sure there are chemical elements that make people crazy. I absolutely know there are emotional reasons. I am no doctor…but what I really believe…is that it’s not chemical. Or much less chemical than is written about.
Most times, insanity stems from emotional strains that we saddle ourselves with. Things we are afraid of. Our own missteps. Our own flaws. Our own emotional loss. Our own anger. These things build up over time.
Eventually we have to unspool or unwind. And if you ever twisted a swing, you will know that when you release it, it races back towards normal, then goes right past it. And twists up the other way. Still out of whack. Then back again. Twisting up again.
So how do you combat this? Or slow it? How do you stop it?
You stop it now. When you are sane. You unlock everything in your mind. Become one with yourself. Live a life you are proud of. Be the person you always wanted to be. The person you always knew you should be. And confront yourself on everything. A lot of the crazy comes from things we can’t let go. Or tried to run from.
Know this: You cannot run from your own mind. No matter how fast you move, you will eventually have to stop and face your fears. Your faults. Your anger. Your guilt.
So stop. And face them now.
When I think about what Urban Samurai really is, it is a tool I’ve used to build mental strength. I’ve embraced the samurai Way of Death, forcing my fears to fade. I’ve examined many of my faults, trying to expose them so that I can work on them. I’ve dealt with my anger. I’m just realizing as I write this, I haven’t explored any guilt over things I’ve done in my life. That I will do next.
We all need to build strength in our mind. Do it now. Face it all down now. Before something happens, and insanity takes over.
As for my loved ones who are having trouble mentally…crazy is not who you are. It’s just what you happen to be right now. I tend to think of myself as straddling the line between this side and that…of sanity. I’m pretty comfortable trading in either space. So come to me. I’m here. I will always be here.