The majority of people in the world seems to be looking for a companion, and that starts at a very young age. And sometimes lasts a lifetime. Even in public and utter failure, people keep going after it. When I was 12, I watched an uncle burst into tears at his 3rd wedding…so in love, this time…knowing this was the right one to promise his love for the rest of his life, again. He’s since been divorced and remarried. It’s not easy finding someone. And when you find someone, it’s not always the right person. And even if it is, it’s not easy staying with that person.
I have had a lot of people ask me for relationship advice since I started this. While I don’t have all the answers on everything, and I definitely DO NOT have all the answers on this topic, I do have some thoughts on a few. This is about finding someone.
People spend all this time looking for the perfect person, and that is a mistake. They create some mental or physical checklist, which draws up their version of a perfect person. And then the search begins and you cast aside everyone that comes along because they don’t measure up in some area of need.
A few months ago, I wrote something for my wife called ‘The Imperfect Match.’ It was a poem (I know…I’m a little much) and it described that if two squares lined up next to each other, two perfect shapes, they would have nothing to latch onto each other with. Even if they were positioned perfectly, they could only get as close as right next to each other. And they could be thrown out of whack, or maybe even completely separated, with just a gentle nudge.
The poem went on to describe the imperfect shape that is me. And the myriad of gaping holes and protruding parts…there is no name for a shape like me. The only word that would come to mind, is ugly.
And then I tactfully and carefully described the imperfect shape that was her. She knows that she isn’t perfect either, but that’s still difficult to approach in what was meant to be a love poem. I should stress, she is a much prettier version of that imperfect shape.
And the meaning behind the poem was how, with these long parts (trying to avoid the sexual references as much as possible…not easy) and holes and everything, that you can form such an incredible bond, because you can actually touch the center of another. And through imperfection, you can grab a hold of that core. Two imperfect shapes grabbing each other’s core, through the twists and turns of a deep, winding canyons in each other. Once you get to that level with another person, where you not only accept, but grab ahold, and help fill the voids in others, it is extremely difficult to unwind. You can become inseparable.
I believe this to be as true as anything else I know. And this luxury is only afforded to those with imperfections.
Luckily for us, we are all blessed with many imperfections.
Finding someone is about understanding your imperfections first. And managing your expectations on the perfection of another. You are still looking for that perfect person. But what you want to find is the perfect, imperfect person. One that is the fit to compliment your own faults. That is who you are looking for. That is your match.
I am lucky to have found mine.