A person who becomes fatigued when unhappy is useless.
Hagakure
I sat next to a girl the other night at dinner, who told me she was getting divorced. I know and like her husband…I like him a lot. And naturally, I wanted to blame her. And be angry at her. I wanted an answer, so I simply asked her, ‘Why?’
She described the circumstances in detail. At the end of the day, it summed up to the fact that she just wasn’t happy…at least she wasn’t happy enough. They tried therapy a few times. They tried talking to a priest. They tried a lot of things. But the relationship just wasn’t going to get to a point that was ultimately satisfying for her. She saw no way.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t be mad at her. It actually made me like her more. Think about that. Here is a friend of mine who is being left by a girl…and I now like her more than I did. And that’s because I respect her decision. She is unhappy…she had been unhappy for a long time…and saw she was going to be unhappy for a long time…and she did something about it.
What is going to light that fire in your belly, if your own unhappiness is not?
I almost quoted her Hagakure, but she doesn’t know I’m Urban Samurai. And I didn’t want to somehow go into a conversation about me, when this was about her. So instead I quoted a poem. (This is not something I do often, as I know very few poems.)
This poem, if I’m remembering correctly is about the poet’s wife who was dying of a disease. It’s by Dylan Thomas and its meaning lies in these two lines that get repeated often, ‘Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.’
I haven’t read this poem since high school. But because they are so powerful, the words have stayed with me.
If you are dying, literally in disease or old age, or figuratively in failure or in misery…you have to fight. Do not just sit there and accept this death, or accept failure, or accept misery. Rage against it. Make it your singular priority to get better. To be better. Do anything you can to get yourself up and out. Fight that misery to your last breath.
A person who gets fatigued when unhappy is useless to himself or herself. That person is useless to everybody.
I know ‘fatigue’ is a real symptom of depression. But there is real depression, and there is what I’ll call life circumstance depression. If you’ve ever been, or are now truly depressed, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
For those experiencing depression in it’s real form, know that you are in my thoughts tonight and every night. I know this is not an easy battle. And I know that your inner flame is dim or out. It’s been that way for a while now. Know that, lit or not, your wick is still in there. Waiting. My wish for you is that you find a spark, that rekindles your own personal flame.
For the rest of you…who have merely hit a bump in the road…those who just got broken up with by a boyfriend, or just lost a job, or just declared for bankruptcy…you are likely not experiencing depression. You are just in a really bad Way. There is a huge difference. Are you doing things to rage against your misery? To get over that mountain that seems so large in front of you?
Or are you just sleeping this time away. Not getting out of bed in the morning. Not having the energy needed to fight. You’re bringing this tired upon yourself. Stop. Wake up. Grab a Red Bull if you need to. Just get the hell up and battle this thing.