by Urban Samurai on October 4, 2011
My wife is a reader of Urban Samurai. And more than once, I’ve gotten a phone call during the day, after she read a post, asking, if not accusing me of writing about her. Not pleased about it.
She is a very private person. So me starting this blog…wasn’t that easy for her. So I kept her out of it as much as I could.
S, most weren’t about you. But of course, some of the things I wrote were. There is no bigger person in my life. No bigger influence. No bigger presence. You are there when I go to sleep at night. You are there when I wake up in the morning.
But you have switched recently. Maybe you are becoming more of a fan of this blog and my writing. And now you can’t understand why I don’t write about you.
Well, make no mistake about this one…this is about you.
For a long time in my life, I don’t know if I was capable of loving someone. I mean, I kind of loved every girl I ever dated. But would often break up with them out of things as shallow as boredom. That’s not love. Not in any reality.
I didn’t know what love was…for a long time. I do now. And that is solely because of you.
Love, is that incredible feeling that you will never love anyone else like you love this person. A feeling of complete bliss. That unmatched high that you get from a person you are so into that all your thoughts get clouded. You can’t make rational decisions. It’s overwhelming. And it’s amazing.
…but teenagers master that part. Love is much more than that.
While love is sometimes overwhelming, real love is always underlying. That is when you know it is true. It is a constant. It’s every day. It’s being in love every day. All the time. Waking up next to that person, with love, every day.
Even in the bad times. Even in the really bad times. Love is still there. Just sitting. Waiting to be called upon again. Waiting to show itself again.
Real love is everlasting.
Every once in a while, in a weak moment, you will ask me if I love you. And I chuckle every time. My love is not going anywhere. It’s not leaving. My love for you is…no matter what. It’s everlove.
You never have to ask me that again.
You are this feeling of home for me. This thing I can melt into. This person I see. And see through. And this person who can see me. And see through me. This person that with the quickest of glances, I can communicate everything I need to. And you back to me. The person whose hand I want to hold. The person I want to just hold. The person I want to serenade even though I can’t sing.
This wasn’t our best year. We had some rough stretches as I tried to figure myself out. As we repositioned the nature of our relationship. Don’t get mad at me for saying it to everyone on here in this way. Anyone who is married will understand. This is what marriage is. It’s a series of good times and bads. A series of sicknesses and healths. And if done it right…it is until death does us part. And maybe beyond.
I don’t know that I understood love, even when we got married. I mean, obviously I was in love. But after you go through things as a married couple, there is no comparison to the depth at which we now sit. So in hindsight, being that it took me all the way to this feeling I have right now as I write this, maybe this was our best year.
I know sometimes our marriage isn’t perfect. I know sometimes I’m not the perfect husband. But our love, overwhelming at times, incredible at times, but always a straight, infinite line…is perfect.
We recently talked about renewing our vows. Maybe that is a good idea. Not some public show. But something private. Between us. Something that communicates our renewed commitment to the only two people that matter in this love. You and I.
Happy Anniversary. I love you.
P.S. As I wrote this, fireworks started going off in the distance. Out of nowhere. I don’t know why. It’s not the 4th of July. I’m not a big believer in signs, but this one I will hold onto for a while.